genesis

my post yesterday brought me to read the first few chapters (...so on the seventh day he rested from all his work...) of genesis and WOW they cruise through the stories :) through the years!  not sure I have too much to say about skimming through all that history stuff.  but I am still in need of rest.  ha~

holidays are for resting. body and brain.

how others see us / how we see ourselves

a friend of mine emailed a pic from almost two years ago and I can hardly believe its me -
funny but its a portraite of exactly how I want to look and sure enough.  ha.  its how I either do look or must've looked at least at some point.
I'm not making so much sense here but bear with me.
so
what does that say about my soul?
I want to live a certain way and maybe I do (even though it doesn't feel like it).  and I want people to see me live a certain way and I'm trying to be confident about that (its slowly maybe starting to get a little easier).
ok.  now I'm just rambling.
don't know exactly what I want to say but it has something to do with being surprised about what I looked like :) who knows.  maybe I'll be surprised by what God has to say about me when we all reach the pearly gates.

ok.  and since I'm just sitting here rambling...the whole death thing is really an incredible concept.  being a Christian I can't help but look forward to it but at the same time its obviously finite and perminent and we all don't really know what to expect...nothing on earth is like death.
OMG!  another six word memoir :) I'm starting to find these all over the place.

- I want to love you more -

have I mentioned to you all that I'm addicted to public radio?  since my cubicle mate left, I've had tons of time on my hands and have turned to wpr :) ben merens had a guest on today talking about "six word memoirs".  SO FUN.  http://www.smithmag.net/  go ahead and try it.

statement of faith

I think they put these points VERY well ~ http://www.cbeinternational.org/

We believe the Bible is the inspired word of God, is reliable, and is the final authority for faith and practice.
     (final authority.  hhhmmmm.  like it)

We believe in the unity and trinity of God, eternally existing as three equal persons.
     (eternally existing.  like it)

We believe in the full deity and full humanity of Jesus Christ.
     (full humanity!  I've never heard it put like that.  like it)

We believe in the sinfulness of all persons. One result of sin is shattered relationships with God, others, and self.
     (shattered relationship with self.  totally true.  like it)

We believe that eternal salvation and restored relationships are possible through faith in Jesus Christ who died for us, rose from the dead, and is coming again. This salvation is offered to all people.
     (and is coming again :) like it)

We believe in the work of the Holy Spirit in salvation, and in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit in the life of believers.
     (the holy spirit is present with me right now.  like it)

We believe in the equality and essential dignity of men and women of all ethnicities, ages, and classes. We recognize that all persons are made in the image of God and are to reflect that image in the community of believers, in the home, and in society.
     (all persons are made in the image of God.  love it.  I would like to reflect that image a little better)

We believe that men and women are to diligently develop and use their God-given gifts for the good of the home, church, and society.
     (its a nice task to develop and use talents/gifts.  like it.  and I should point out that there are many more gifts than just a nice singing voice or a knack for folding bulletins)

We believe in the family, celibate singleness, and faithful heterosexual marriage as God's design.
     (family.  yes.  like it.  totally God's design.  nothing has felt more right)

We believe that, as mandated by the Bible, men and women are to oppose injustice.
     (absolutely.  like it.  but wonder how many injustices I've actively participated in.  I could probably use some work in this department)

content

 - was looking for some comforting words for a friend.  we probably all have a friend or a friend of a friend for whom having a child seems the most elusive of heavenly gifts.

in my search for a faithful thing to say I came across these words of paul:
for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
philippians 4:11-13

may the Lord grant you strength dear friend and within that, a contentment that is so resounding it can only be felt through Him who created us.

he who keeps his oath even when it hurts, will never be shaken.

psalms is good reading.

why is the devil so loud?

reading psalms 9 and 10 I was struck by two things...

- psalm 10 talks about how much the wicked boast.  when I think of "boasting" I don't even think of just quietly nodding in agreement or demurely relating a short story.  I think of someone literally lifting their chin and puffing out their chest... I think of bold statements, the CAPS LOCK KEY and graphic photos.  and here it talks about pride in doing evil even??  sounds like all the perps from those crime dramas I like to watch on tv.  and when I really think about this passage, its awful, and completely true.  I can think of wwwaaayyy more times I've bragged about how wasted I got rather than the times I've bragged about my connection with my God.  and not only have I bragged many times but I've bragged LOUDLY and with exclamation points!!!!

why is that?  why does bad = attention and good = unnoticeable

- psalm 9 will be my new mantra then because when I read it, I was surprised by the confidence and determination I heard.
I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

YES I WILL!

disillusionment = A feeling that arises from the discovery that something is not what it was anticipated to be, commonly held to be stronger than disappointment especially when a belief central to one’s identity is shown to be false.

psalm 14-17
he who is pregnant with evil and conceives trouble gives birth to disillusionment.
he who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made.
the trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head.
I will give thanks to the Lord because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High

*that Lord Most High was capitalized that way in my bible and I like it especially...

tv evangelists

tv evangelists that are on at one in the morning are CRAZY
b u t
I have to say that in my dozy hazy I was quite familiar with the books that he was quoting verses from.  and in more than just that sing-songy-memorized way.  it's been great to have a better knowledge of how everything is grouped:
first five -genesis through deuteronomy are historical / talking about God's chosen people.  the jews.
next twelve -joshua through esther tell about the history of the israelites / more about the jews.
middle five -job through song of songs are poetic and seem to be more general.
last seventeen (whew) of the old testament -isaiah, jeremiah, lamentations, ezekiel, daniel, hosea, joel, amos, obadiah, jonah, micah, nahum, habakkuk, zephaniah, haggai, zechariah, malachi are all prophesies.
first five of the new testament -mathew through acts seem to be again, historical accounts / this time regarding the life of Jesus.
everything else is letters -from paul to: romans, corinthians, galatians, ephesians, philippians, colossians, thessalonians, timothy, titus, philemon.  then there is an unknown author to hebrews and the titled authors: james, peter, john and jude.  finally revelations (which I believe is from john but I think there may be some controversy over that...).

how you knew I know you knew I know you well

I know you well by Fountains of Wayne
click the play button (the arrow in the purple circle next to the album cover)

ELH 306

what ~
wondrous love is this, o my soul, o my soul!
what wondrous love is this, o my soul!
what wondrous love is this that caused the lord of bliss
to bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul, to bear the dreadful curse for my soul?

when I was sinking down
beneath God's righteous frown,
Christ laid aside His crown for my soul
(isn't THAT awesome)

to God and to the Lamb
I will sing I will sing
to God and to the Lamb, who is the great I am
(love it!)
while millions join the theme, I will sing

and when from death I'm free, I'll sing on, I'll sing His love for me
and through eternity I'll sing on, I'll sing on.

What's a line of that song mom? I tried but couldn't remember after we talked-  I have "i walk with jesus all the way" in my head instead :)

the pre-beatitudes

     and now I will show you the most excellent way.
if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  if I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  if I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
     I Corinthians 13:1-3

I've loved to my potential

whoa uh
I know
I’ve loved to my potential
we’ve made the most of these past months
when I go
tomorrow
that dream was instrumental
we’ll have lived the love that millions won’t
ever know

I would venture to say that most of us believe in love to an extent that it's beyond our control (falling in love, love struck, having a crush).  can't remember where I originally heard of it but someone wise (must've been wise because I heartily believe it after being married for a ton of years) pointed out that LOVE IS A VERB.  and I am taking the position that religion is the same way - it's not a stroke of luck or a spell that befalls you.  it's to be sought out and worked for/at.

*side note...the "dictionary of NIV terms" in my bible says that love is wanting good to come to another person; being concerned and willing to work for another person's benefit.

*those are lyrics from one of my fave bands (shameless plug / but my hubby is a musician and used to be the guitarist), love you to death (formerly the pettit project).

my listening hole

we humans need to be in a "listening" place in order to hear God.s message- well, to hear any message.
I thought of this because it was going to recommend a book to someone.  a book that had really shifted my paradigm (clue, anyone?).  I was going to recommend it so hard that I would just amazon it and just have it arrive on their doorstep but then I thought about how I had read the first few chapters of this book and wasn't even in the right place at that time to finish it.  when I went back nine months later is when it made the big hit and so how was I to know that this person was in the right place to be done justice by this book.
anyway.
I feel like I'm in a good listening hole right now.
a hole in the good :) sense of the word.
let us say, a WEL (ha).
hope it stays that way for a while.
(no more inside jokes)

therefore i despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.

I do really like the simply statement at the end of job.  the simple repentance he gives after hearing wonder and wonder and more wonder straight from God's mouth!

anyway.  it was ssooooooo not fun to think of the valley of the shadow of death after such a sparkly fun and ridiculously perfect warm sunny day..... but I can't help but remember that passage from last night.
I didn't quite understand the ending of the job story so "have you seen the gates of the shadow of death" stuck instead.  I tried to elaborate on it today but couldn't so I reread most of the book again to at least try and get some closure but I still can't wrap my head around why eliphaz and bildad and zophar were so wrong as to be smited by God?  and I feel silly.  like.  I should KNOW why they were wrong.  it should be obvious somewhere.  but maybe it's because my thoughts and feelings are so much the same?
I definitely need to come back to job at a later date and figure it out.

have you seen the gates of the shadow of death? job 38:17

whirlwind

then the LORD answered job out of the whirlwind and said...

oh man.  my life is a whirlwind.  a crazy whirlwind of thoughts and conversations and I suppose I need to let the Lord answer so clearly.
the reason I'm thinking about this is because we were watching fringe (see bibliography) and their capsule of a grown son meeting his real mother for the first time was approximately 8 minutes all together.  tv and movies just "sum up" life's long term truths and controversies!
if only.
but maybe,
if I leave room for the Lord's answer?

elihu

interesting * this elihu character is described as young and yet he recognizes that the last three friends of job weren't really addressing his complaints against God?!?!
chapter 32 cycles through elihu's reasoning for waiting to speak
but chapter 33 gets into some meat and potatoes; he explains that job shouldn't be boasting about anything.  because GOD IS GREATER THAN MAN.  he explains that God isn't silent.  He speaks "now one way, now another".  job just hasn't been listening.  elihu also explains that trials and tribulations can happen because God is trying to draw his sheep back.  he points out that "if there is an angel on his side..." that angel can be a mediator and can negotiate a ransom.  I suppose elihu might be talking about Jesus?
chapter 34 argues that its ridiculous that job would say that God could do wrong.  that he could possibly be unfair.  he even goes so far as to say that job is answering like a wicked man and he deserves what's coming.
chapter 35 I think kind of replays all the bad press job is giving God.
chapter 36 seems to open with elihu speaking of the Holy Spirit.  he's laying out that God is working through him.  he talks about how the bad things that are happening to men are really a call back to God.  God is requesting that these wrong doers repent and when they do they will be content.  sigh.  contentment.  isn't that really truly the best gift of all?  after this there is a ton of beautiful poetry...
job 36:27  He draws up the drops of water, which distill as rain to the streams;  the clouds pour down their moisture and abundant showers fall on mankind.  Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds, how he thunders from his pavilion?  See how he scatters his lightning about him, bathing the depths of the sea.  This is the way he governs the nations and provides food in abundance.  He fills his hands with lightning and commands it to strike its mark.  His thunder announces the coming storm; even the cattle make known its approach.
chapter 37 rejoices with glory!  talks about elihu being excited and anxious.  more and more poetry about God's great works :) and he inquires of job that he "stop and consider God's wonders".  he also points out that we humans are really no comparison.  "in His justice and great righteousness, He does not oppress...for does he not have regard for all the wise in heart?"

dear Lord ~please make me wise in the heart.

sick baby...work to do...hope to post lots tomorrow...

*

now one way, now another

job 33:13-18
Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words?
For God does speak- now one way, now another- though man may not perceive it.
In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men as they slumber in their beds,
he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warning,
to turn man from wrongdoing and keep him from pride,
to preserve his soul from the pit, his life from perishing by the sword.

only the good die young

job 20 and 21 have an interesting theme to them.
zophar (one of job's friends) points out to him that pride in men is short lived (cause job seems to be pretty prideful and arguing that he's done nothing to deserve such earthly torture).  even though these puffed up people who revel in their own glory seem to "touch the clouds" -zophar points out that they will surely be struck down!
I really like the verbiage in chapter 20.  just like in revelations the word play is just amazing and when read in the right mindset, brings all sorts of atrocities to life.
job retorts with "why do the wicked live on, growing old and increasing in power?"
he brings up a very true complaint -why do these evil doers receive prosperity?!?!  he also asks why God doesn't repay that bad man immediately so that very person can be tortured instead of saving it.  these people go to their grave SSOOOO confident in their earthly ways.  confident that they don't need God and have no desire to know him.  why aren't they punished justly?
seems like job is really feeling sorry for himself and honestly, jealous of the faithless.  I can understand * how often does it seem like I would be happier if I just spent all my time and energy accumulating wealth and satisfying my gluttony for physical happiness (those reebok butt toning tennies, that tiny little laptop, the whole box of girl scout peanut butter patties, do I need to go on?).

still veering away from poor job

it was a lovely saturday.  full of saturday things.  like starting a veggie/herb garden!
when I asked my husband (he's the cook and I told him he has to be the gardener because I could commit to helping but I could not commit to being the master of it for a full summer term) if he liked doing the gardening thing he responded that gardening reminded him of the fall of man.
genesis 2:17-19
     Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.
     It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
     By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food
until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken;
     for dust you are
     and to dust you will return.
so pulling those weeds and stupid stupid thistles that poke and splinter is our punishment.  our punishment for being human.  hopefully our bounty reminds us of what it is to be Godly and to seek that furthur.

diversion still from job

...but pets are a gift from God.
I was hugging my husband and apologizing for being kinda weird tonight and he was hugging me with only one arm and I said, "what.  are you motioning to the dog that I'm crazy?"  and sure enough.  he was.

balance

I have this nasty habit of listening to mark belling on my way home from work.  but I try to turn him off when the baby gets in the car ~
I caught the end of one of his rants and he was talking about balance in life.  life can't be too crazy but also really can't be too boring.  while I agree with this I'd like to point out that the drama should be good drama!  like trying to figure out what one is going to write in her god blog :) or trying to squeeze breakfast with a friend in to a busy week or trying to have patience with your husband's crazy work schedule.

*here's to more positive drama than ever and to filling life with happy crazies*

(I'm toasting my red plastic cup of box-o-wine)

comfort

job 10:13-18
Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.  You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.  Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.  You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.

you will surely forget your trouble.

such is the destiny of all who forget God

today's study of job pointed out that we don't even have to purposefully shun God or make a point to turn away from Him.  simply forgetting about our creator will suffice to send us to that dark place.

job 8:11-19
Can papyrus grow tall where there is no marsh?
     Can reeds thrive without water?
While still growing and uncut,
     they wither more quickly than grass.
Such is the destiny of all who forget God;
     so perishes the hope of the godless...
...He is like a well-watered plant in the sunshine,
     spreading its shoots over the garden;
it entwines its roots around a pile of rocks
     and looks for a place among the stones.
But when it is torn from its spot,
     that place disowns it and says, 'I never saw you.'
Surely its life withers away,
     and from the soil other plants grow.

you get what you need

you can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes...you'll find...you get what you need

chatting with a friend today I commented on one of my own desires and texted her that I understood that I can't always get what I want.
so later I opened my master "books of the bible list" and I saw that job suffered great personal tragedy in spite of being a good man.  and sure enough -the prologue states that job was blameless and upright -to the extent that he made offerings just in case one of his children had sinned the night before...
one verse that stood out to me was after job's second test (the devil was on him because he claimed to God that job only had such integrity because job was so blessed).  he was visited by friends because he was so very very afflicted with sores and he was cursing the day he was born -his friend pointed out:
job 5:17
     Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.
and this seems harsh.  really kind of harsh to think about being reprimanded by God.  by our father of fathers.  but really -why shouldn't he correct us?  and why shouldn't we take our hardships as a call back to the straight and narrow?
I'm not sure that's exactly what eliphaz the temanite/job's friend was getting at but that's what I'm taking out of these first few chapters tonight.
more tomorrow / YAWN

sustained without care

Rabbi Simeon ben Eleazar says:
--"Have you ever seen an animal or a bird who has a trade?
And yet they sustain themselves without trouble!
And were they not created only to serve me?
And I was created to serve my Maker.
Is it not right that I be sustained without care?
But I have weakened my works and I have wasted my sustenance."
--- Mishna, Kiddushin 4.14
(scroll down to entry 110)

still nothing to write about

just updating that I STILL have no great revelation to post about.
thought and read for a while this afternoon
had some conversations early this evening
thought and cruised the internet tonight
still nothing.

road block.