Saturday, July 31

I think i was blogging drunk last night...ugh. Sad sad sad

Friday, July 30

And mom i.ve been meaning to text you to email the story you relayed back in june...
And everyone has their crosses to bear
The sub sonic real
As im experiencing a live rock show i can say that (in my comprimised state) life is all about connecting with the surreal...
Life. Ha! Sent before i meant to... But its totally hard to live in earthly life...expounding later
It is TOTALLY hard to live in "earthly' life. Fe

give when you receive

now here's an interesting concept... it has been hatched as a combination of these two experiences...
-when I was looking up the hebrew word/jewish tern tzedakah it was noted that giving to charity often happens during times of rejoicing (as an offering for a son's/daughter's wedding or at the birth of a child).
-a certain friend of mine has found karma to be real and true in her life.  the more good she does (especially with blessings) the more she gets back.

I think I would like to institute a policy of giving when I receive.  will try and do it EVERY time I receive and will try to connect giving with the most positive areas of my life (promotions perhaps or successes or moments of beauty or joy).

post for yesterday

my friend and I got to talking about giving because as we were discussing God or "the greater order of the universe" she mentioned that being raised catholic, it had been hard to forget the seeming corruption of people getting what they want (annulments of marriage is what I've heard about several times) in exchange for large monetary donations.
funny how something so good can turn into something so evil with just a hint the wrong intention behind it.

Wednesday, July 28

tzedakah

I believe the hebrew word "tzedakah" is pronounced like "sudoku" because I kept thinking the teacher was saying "we are making sudoku boxes" but really my baby's first take home school project (well...she's almost 1) was a jewish giving box.

the act of tzedakah (righteous giving) is often interpreted as charity but it can be teaching a skill, donating goods or giving money and it is required of all jews...

Tuesday, July 27

Talking about God finally is coming a little easier...

Monday, July 26

they trembled with fear

I work in a cubicle farm :) I have known my neighbors for years now and so I also know their temperaments, their phone habits, their standard lunches, their celebration lunches, their typical working hours, their gossip buddies, their shoe size (weird/I know), their tolerance for bad perfume, their wives names, their kid's ages, their fave caffeinated beverage and I always know when one of them gets FED UP.  and today was one of those days when my normally sweet and mild mannered fellow project manager revved up his angry voice and really let the guy on the other end have it.  and it's so weird because he's not yelling at me but I know that this man is a devout Christian and I know that he doesn't raise his voice very often and for some reason that makes it seem like the world is coming to an end when he gets angry.
can you imagine the roar of the thunder and the trumpets when God got angry at the israelites at mount sinai?

Sunday, July 25

I'm no good at posting from my phone...

I haven't been having an evening glass of wine lately but I find that I'm no less ditzy!
sent my blog message to our photo account (will have to go see if anything show'd up?)..."I'm excited to go to church tomorrow:)"

SO
what did church teach me today?
that kneeling is uncomfortable.  but for some reason it's uplifting to have that bit of uncoolness in my worship.  and I should explain that unlike catholic churches that I've been to or unlike the communion rail - there was no carpet and no padding.  just get down on your knees kind of confession.  and I liked it.  might have to incorporate that into my daughter's bedtime prayers when she's old enough.

Friday, July 23

hell

and another thing that's hard for me to grasp is the concept of hell -
so yesterday I was an hour or more north of the city and we had downpours all day and I had to walk through an ankle deep puddle to get to my car ect ect but in the evening I was getting this update from my friend and my husband about how nasty the weather was down in the city and even more specifically in our area on the east side.  and I  l-i-t-e-r-a-l-l-y  could not wrap my mind around the fact that it was muggy and overcast and overall dry where I was but that I wouldn't be able to GET home because none of the roads were open because lakes occupied the spaces where roads should be.  I could not understand how the situation could be soooooooo bad just miles away and so I drove rather naively into the possible danger.
and I likened this to hell.
because its hard for us humans to empathize sometimes and I think and hell is not a common place to meditate on. 
we try so hard to make our earthly situation comfortable and pleasant.
I just don't think our little minds can understand what pain and horror awaits in that pit of fire.
but I think we should be scared and come to Jesus.
and I think we should be scared for our loved ones and want them to believe with us so we don't have to witness their pain on the other side.

Thursday, July 22

temporary

This world is so temporary...even for those who are in the moment of loss i think its hard to grasp...

Wednesday, July 21

the book of life

the old testament is CRAZY time.
and reading through some of the lifespans of these people (literally.  hundreds of years) reminds me just how huge the life of the world is.  so not only does God know the thoughts and actions of the millions of people here and now...he's known the thoughts and actions of the gabillions of people who've ever lived and all the gajillions of years that has added up to be.
WOW.

Tuesday, July 20

the tower of babel

to my nyc friends -the tower of babel IS after the flood.  like.  right after the flood (can I just say again that genesis cruises through all the good bible stories?  there is so much packed into just those first 20 chapters even!).

so noah's sons were shem, ham and japheth.
-the semites lived in the hill country?
-the hamites were hunters?  and were tasked with being slaves to shem because ham had noah's nakedness covered.
-the japhethites were sea fairing peoples?

and immediately after the bible goes through their lineage it tells the story of babel...the whole world had one language and the peoples who settled on a plain in shinar decided they would make a brick tower that would touch heaven so that they could "make a name for themselves".  the Lord confused their language and scattered them so they couldn't continue AND here's another relation from our world to the biblical world.  genesis 11:9 points out that that's why it was called "babel" because they were confused in language and "babbling".  LOL.

Monday, July 19

my title

I remember calling to order pizza from the st.james hotel on our honeymoon and s.t.u.t.t.e.r.i.n.g through my new name! I was no longer janelle merschman but I was really nell speerschneider.


sunday's sermon was all about baptism and the pastor's really good message was that it was a powerful tool. I almost wish that being baptised gave someone a worldly distinction. like, I want to be able to put some initials after my name. maybe svd.(saved)? or bptz. (baptized)?? or how about wwg. (walks with God)???

what brought me to this desire was listening to my friend tell a story and listening to her use her title "pastor's wife". HOW COOL IS THAT?!?! I would like to one day be able to say to someone who was making me uncomfortable, "hey. I'm a Christian you know". right now I don't have quite enough gumption for that ~ but seems like it would make an pretty big influence on my frame of mind to introduce your self that way.

Ack. Forgot to post last night again!

this time it was no foul situation that kept me from tippity typing.  just that I forgot!

this weekend really made me see how much fellowship can mean.  as you know our good friends from college were over for the weekend and that means I managed to make it to church with one of them and with the baby :) and it was refreshing!
the church we attended was an inner city church that our synod has had great success with.  st. marcus lutheran church and it absolutely spoke to where my family is right now...with the baby having words on a screen up front allowed me to manage her with both hands and it also allowed me to lift my head up and sing and really feel the praise...I loved the casual approach of the pastor as he was in a suit and talking to us from the general front of the church (as opposed to the pulpit) and initiating responses from the congregation...the message was good and relatable and actually allowed us to see into the mission work of his week -it's so funny but I had often wondered what pastors do all week and he really filled in some of those gaps and it made me appreciate the type of stress one must feel to be tasked with evangelising as your job (although. snicker. we all have that task. but it's easier for me to make excuses when I have a desk job that "requires" 40+ hours of my week)...I loved that he mixed up the liturgy by bringing in a part of luther's small catechism -what a great reminder of the words that I memorized a million years ago and have hardly touched since(!)...and I appreciated the sense of community I felt and the sense of true equality across the ages and the races and the lifestyles...I think this is MY kind of church.

anyway.  I know that was rambly.  but I have to get back to my "desk job" now and don't have time for clear thoughts :) will post again later gater!!

Saturday, July 17

aahhhhhh! so many details in the bible

thanks for setting me straight stacy -  I totally skipped over the word "son".  ACK.  ecclesiasties was not written by king david but rather by solomon.
speaking of having so much to know about the bible its always fun to have our Christian friends around and to be able to converse about God so openly/frequently...  :)thank you

Friday, July 16

two of our very good friends came to town today!

and as we were very very briefly catching up (literally, just in the fifteen minute car ride from the airport) one of them listed out their old job dead ends and new job options and housing questions and oh so casually pointed out that they were just trying to figure out where God was leading them.  you know; to stick out the challenges at hand or to take a leap and a risk...
and I thought, I CAN DO THAT.  I can interject "God" into a casual conversation where I'm not putting anyone on the spot but just relaying the fact that I trust that he's in control of my life (um...maybe talking about trusting/not worrying will make that actually happen?!?!).  so yah.  haven't stumbled across the chance today but I have a sticky note on my desk to remind me that next time someone asks, "so how's it going" I respond with something like, "yah know... blah blah blah blah blah and we're just trying to figure out where God is leading us..."

Thursday, July 15

extremes

today I mentioned to someone that it just feels like this is not our year.
perhaps that was a tad bit extreme.
king david spoke to me about being extreme in my readings today through ecclesiastes and I wholeheartedly agree with his sentiments.
7:16     do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise- :) why destroy yourself?  do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool-  why die before your time?  it is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.  the man who fears God will avoid all extremes.
*and it's funny because the more I read the bible, the more it seems to be speaking to truths I already hold close to my adult heart!
     5:2 do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart...let your words be few.
     5:5 it is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.
     5:9 if you see the poor oppressed in a district, and justice and rights denied, do not be surprised at such things...
     6:7 all man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied.
     6:10 whatever exists has already been named...

and finally ~ for all my recently betrothed friends (and there are a few of you):
4:9     two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  if one falls down, his friend can help him up.  also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves(!).  a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Wednesday, July 14

pare down / declutter

one of the things I was surprised to read in this latest book was about cutting out "stuff" (even if it is good and worthy stuff!) in order to be more effective.  and I like that because how hard is it to say no?!?!  but if it means your focus is all the more greater...

sorry for the missed post yesterday :(

food poisoning ~ blech!
since I've been a relatively healthy person all my life, feeling so sick really brings to mind the pain and strife some of the people in the bible must've been under...sometimes the stories are breezed over it seems (or at least the detail of one's affliction isn't gone into in the same detail as I'm used to hollywood producing) but what a challenge to stay faithful in the face of so much pain...

Monday, July 12

never confuse activity with productivity

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh a moment to reflect :)

first of all, thanks for the responses and suggestions!  I will get to that reading list soon...

and secondly, I think that I was ready for this third chapter of my book... the purpose driven life
     'nothing energizes like a clear purpose'
     and how many times have a I felt this 'it is usually meaningless work, NOT OVERWORK, that wears us down, saps our strength...'
ugh.  so true!  a great woman once pointed out that I'm a human being not a human doing . . . . .

lastly, I googled a quote from my book and came up with a great post.

Sunday, July 11

non cheesy Christian writing

I know this sounds harsh but I'm just a chapter or two into a Christian based self-help book and its ssooooo...cheesy?  or maybe I should say preachy??  I'm not sure what to call it but I want to push away from it because it certainly seems stale and uninteresting.
I understand that I am a semi-learned Christian (so maybe that's why it seems stale?) but I can not recommend this reading to my friend who may be on the cusp of believing because I fear it will push her away.

any suggestions from peanut gallery on something else?

eat, pray, love is a fave of mine that I've referenced before.  certainly something along that lines I would love again and love to recommend!
but it seems most anything I've found recommended by church or in a Christian book store doesn't relate.
what do you all think?

Saturday, July 10

peace, tranquility, acceptance...
I had all of this today. 
hope you did too.

Friday, July 9

modern

a friend of mine was saying she thought she might start reading the bible and the first thing that came to my mind was to say that I thought the bible was surprisingly modern.  and as I expounded on it I tried to explain ecclesiates a little...not sure what came across but I tried to impress upon her that I hadn't had luck with starting from genesis or from trying a reading program...but yes.  my encouragement to everyone will be to just crack open and read.  I've had so much surprising success with that ~

Thursday, July 8

enjoy your work

ecclesiastes is awestriking me...who wrote it?  king david I guess.  sounds like he went on a quest!  I'm all for quests.  this blog is mine right now and I have other small ones (a framed portrait drawing of my daughter for her birthday?) but I aspire to larger ones / not sure what I would define as larger / something requiring travel and the cooperation of other people / perhaps just something that touches more hearts).  check back with me in two years and see what my next great challenge is...

so when I typed king david it seemed so familiar :) like.  king david.  my childhood friend...what's that all about?

anyway.  he's a king.  and yet he seeks out wisdom.  and he determines that we humans have quite a lot to bear.  he seems to come to the conclusion that the more you know the more unhappy you are??  so ignorance is bliss?  -I have never argued with that statement you know.

3:22
so I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot.  for who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

Wednesday, July 7

obviously

so...obviously I've been on hiatus.  texting random phrases from my phone in place of real posts (still promise to go back and fill them in!).
since tonight is practice night for my husband (poor guy though - was anyone outside today?  it was like, 100 degrees with 80% humidity.  have I mentioned that he installs windows and doors and that his office/truck is broken and he doesn't even have air conditioning but that he's too busy to take it to the shop to fix?) I thought it was really a good idea to crack open my bible because it hasn't been touched for two weeks.
well when I opened it to the book marked page (realizing / silly enough / that my pristine bible was finally coffee stained / I feel a small sense of accomplishment that I haven't put it on a shelf out of the way of wind, rain and caffeinated beverages but that it is still being hauled back and forth every day in my tote) what title stares me in the face?  ecclesiastes 1:1 EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS
and how does this make me feel?  a great bit more overwhelmed.  unlike my recent therapy sessions or drawing lessons:  instead of feeling the smoke exhale I just feel the tears bottle up.  and they aren't tears that come spilling out but they are tears that sit in the corners of my eyes and make my vision blurry.
oh wait look!  I got tears on the last page of proverbs right next to the coffee ring.  this will surely make me cry more.

although I suppose that's the good thing.  no use letting the salty water collect.  I'm sure it will feel better when my whole life manages to roll down my dirty cheeks (today's post was going to be about how I was giving up personal hygiene for my blog...).

Tuesday, July 6

How much is enough conversation

How much is enough conversation or inquiry about religious beliefs?

Monday, July 5

Welllllllllll. I guess i could

Welllllllllll. I guess i could reflect on why i know that giving up caffeine would help me sleep yet i'm hesitant to help myself.

Ack. Almost forgot again today.

Ack. Almost forgot again today. But yah. Got nothin.

Ho man! Totally forgot today!

Ho man! Totally forgot today!

Saturday, July 3

When we go to floating

When we go to floating skeletons with our problems we get what we pay for. Dont we.

Friday, July 2

puffed up with pride

so someone thought I was the owner of the company I work for today :) and I was all like, "hells yah I would love to take credit for that!" and I blushed with pride that after a sixty second interaction someone thought that I might have the poise and intelligence and resources to be the leader of such an enterprise.
well how much more awestruck should I be that God chose me for a disciple?!?!?!  this is even an official choosing...not just a miss-assumption.
may the Holy Spirit keep working in my heart

Thursday, July 1

you'll have to excuse my LONG weekend of short posts :)

I will be cleaning up my last half dozen soon.  in the meantime, here's a real one to chew on...

can't believe how much I have underestimated other people's faith.
from a co-worker today (the names have been anonymonized. annonimized? annonoumosized?? annonoumousissed???)
From: Thoughtful Sales Lady
Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2010 9:37 AM
To: Stressed to the Max Design Supervisor; Frazzled/Disheveled Design Manager; Can't Turn Away from the Trainwreck that's Headed Her Way Project Manager (Me)
Subject: thought for the day...
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling”. 1 Peter 4:8-9
Thoughtful Sales Lady

~love covers over a multitude of sins~  what a calming phrase.  because I can love!  I can't always keep an organized house.  I can't always hang on my partner's every word.  I can't always focus long enough to get that last project out the door on time.  I can't always stand one more stinky diaper.  but I can always love and I can always love lots :)