Rosh Hashanah

Argh.  So.  I'm feeling kinda like a looser right now (as is witnessed by my salty snacks and larger-than-lately glass of wine).  I am up to the very last minute with one of the very black and white promises I made last year at Rosh Hashanah:  http://www.nellsgodblog.com/2010/09/my-five.html
-to think about our tzedakah box more often     result:  A fine amount of cash but only resentful thoughts of where to give it
-not to fib anymore
     result:  Pretty great actually.  This one I can almost be proud of except the last week or so when I've been putting off calling this customer back...not that I'm fibbing about it but I just know it's wrong and it's in my power to correct and I refuse to
-to give a nod to my religion in daily conversation
     result:  Ok.  I have opened up a lot but I haven't been diligent or made a point to track the progress
-to attend a Jewish service
     result:  A markedly failed attempt today (and duly note that it was basically my only attempt so far).  This is the very black and white promise that I can be most disappointed about
-to make a wholehearted attempt to open an unbeliever's mind to Christianity
     result:  Ok.  Again, opening up has helped just get religion into conversation but I am a "project manager" and I'm not sure if other people's decision making can be managed but I feel like I should have had an outline...like a opening conversation and carefully timed follow up points and some goal marking and then a wrap up session and an introduction to other faithful believers and poof    ~ a new Christian.  Right?  All I have right now are a couple good friends who are likely just more confident that I like God a lot.  Argh

What have I learned from this and what will the next year bring?
Let me ramble for a bit and maybe I will make sense of it later.
     Let go let go let go let go.  For as much as I want to be a free-spirit I'm so plagued by whatever is itching my brain.  I had a stash of tzedakah money at Christmas and an idea of what to do with it and when that fell through my whole idea just fell apart.  Now all I can think about when I think of giving is the possible negatives of any organization I come across.  Nothing is good enough all of a sudden for this money that the Lord has blessed me with and its aggravating but I can't tell if I just give it to a bum on the street or to the nearest church if that will help or if I will forever be second guessing.  And I feel silly about that because the money isn't even mine, you know?  And I have every worldly thing I could want (well, I was coveting this lovely sage green leather planner today but you know what I mean in that I'm not "wanting" for a single thing).
     As far as the fibbing thing goes I almost have that under wraps.  I love how I've almost learned not to over promise.  Almost.  It's gotten very very challenging at work lately just because of the quantity of tasks that exist but I feel like I'm very good with our daughter and the more she understands the more honest I want to be!
     With religion in daily conversation there is for sure more that I could do to be in touch with my friends who I know share my faith in God.  That's probably what I'm shooting for because I think that just connecting with them is good for my soul (especially since we aren't church go-ers right now).  And of course I find, as the title to my blog implies, that forcing my spirituality to the top of my mind makes it more a central focus of my whole day/life/whatever.  And I know that I see things differently.  I react to other's faith differently and I like that a lot.  My knowledge base is expanding but to that point I think that I'm realizing now more than ever how far behind I am on my Bible studies.  I also realize though that I don't love the Word enough and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
     I think that the Jewish faith has SO much to offer and I'm really thankful that God brought the idea of sending our daughter to a Jewish dayschool into our minds.  What a super duper blessing.  Really  -When I walk their halls I can see the loving and creative basis for their teachings in everything!  From the classroom decor to the kids art projects...it's just the very most amazing school and I'm so happy that we get to be a part of their world.  I feel like there is a lot to learn from the Jewish faith and maybe the struggle to get to one of their services is just a testament to our inability to do community things?  Again though, a concept that is very strong in their religion.  And maybe our little family is a bad family for not being able to get up and go?!  It's hard not to feel like a spiritual outsider when there is little/no participation in all the communing that goes along with it but are the nervous thoughts and late comings/early exits worth it?
     Lastly I will say a little prayer for the couple people that are on my mind whose views I would like to have steered toward the Christian persuasion:  Our Father, who art in heaven.  Hallowed be thy name.  Thy kingdom come.  They will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever.  Amen